One of my visitors, Edvard Majakari, quite kindly fortunified two of my writings. If you use Unix-like fortunes, unpack the following archive in /usr/share/games/fortune or wherever your system keeps fortune files. (Non-Linux users may need to rebuild the .dat files.)
After installing, type fortune hayward for a quotation from Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary (more than a little reminiscent of Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary), or fortune xian-koans for a handful of Christian koans:
Attention Span, n. The length of time for which a person is able to maintain concentration. In most nations, a long attention span is valued as enabling understanding of well-developped, coherent, and complete arguments; in America,
You have been warned.