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Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary
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Vote, v. To submit one's opinion to be counted as worthwhile.
America has a very strong tradition of overturning traditions, that is, of rejecting as inappropriate everything out of accord with the latest and most nonsensical fads. This is not a matter in which the common folk have a monopoly; among the intelligentsia, it is considered a mark of very poor taste to cite as authoritative anything not written within the past few decades. It is very much like George Orwell's novel 1984 where, when the Party changed its mind, all of the people -- lower, middle, and upper class, factory worker and scholar alike -- immediately burned down everything of the old opinion; we have a Zeitgeist instead of a Party to tell us that we should burn books, and we burn them, not by throwing them into bonfires, but by carefully keeping them in neat little rows in libraries, making them accessible, and inviting people to read them, on condition that they are not consulted for serious consideration in academic work.
Thus, it is told to people, "I don't care if you have studied years of wisdom, or are yourself a part of the years of wisdom. I don't care if you took the time to write your thoughts down in a book that has endured so that I may understand your thoughts long after your body has turned to dust. You didn't write it right now, in accordance with the present whims of the Zeitgeist, so it isn't worth my time to read."
However, America, in its own special way, does wish to keep a little of everything, not to leave a snippet of some obscure ingredient out of the great melting pot. There is thus one single place where the vote of a dead man is counted to be of equal weight to the vote of one who is alive, knowledgeable and wise in the way things should be run: Chicago.
Vulgar, adj. Common. The term's general usage now denotes that which is crude and distasteful. Earlier, it was used by the wealthy, the educated, and those of high social standing to refer to the habits and persons of men who are common, uneducated, and worthless, such as those whom Christ chose to be his apostles.
Vulgate, n. Vulgate Versio. An early translation of the Holy Scriptures, by the hand of Jerome, who wished that the Scriptures be accessible to the common man, rather than only being available in ancient language and intelligible to an elite few. See also: AV
Warrantee, n. A legal document provided along with many products, in order to minimize the legal responsibility of the company which made said product to repair or replace in case of malfunction or failure to operate caused by defective workmanship. Warranty is null and void in case of damage caused by owner attempted repair, improper use, or (in some cases) normal wear.
Washington, n. The capital of one of the wealthiest nations in the world, and thus the location of the best government that money can buy.
Waterboarding, n. The fruit of a flower called the "Living Constitution" which insists that the U.S. Constitution be a dead letter.
We, pn. The consescending form of 'you'.
Wealth, n. A universally appreciated blessing which removes certain unnecessary luxuries, such as human contact.
Weapon, n. A powerful device enabling peace keepers to deter the occurence of violence. The development of technology has produced weapons of increasing potency and efficiency.
I do not know what weapons World War III will be fought with, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein
Willpower, n. The excruciating struggle to achieve that which needs no effort.
Windows, n. A software emulation package used by people who cannot afford to downgrade to a slower CPU.
Wonder, n. Only one of many victims which has been sacrificed to the modern god, Materialism.
Word, n. A magnificent vessel used to convey the most profound of thoughts, and to conceal their absence.
World, n. The whole of fallen, unregenerate humanity, under the power of the Evil One and waging incessant warfare against the saints.
Contact with the world brings all manner of enticement to lying, idolatry, adultery, witchcraft, homosexual practice, thieving, orgies, and the like. It is rumored that there are other temptations, but they are surely not worth mentioning.
Yellow, n. A color symbolic of urgency and haste, used to instruct motorists to apply maximum force to the gas petal.
Zeitgeist, n. The spirit of the time, made manifest in the ever more enlightened nonsensus of public opinion -- yesterday, Logical Positivism, today, Postmodernism, tomorrow, who knows? They are philosophical ideas with a kernel of truth, which has been thoughtfully removed in the popular versions. The man who follows these ideas has a mind like a steel trap -- snapped shut, and full of mice.
Zen, adj. and n.
Zenith, n. (1) The apex of a civilization, career, art movement, et cetera. (2) The abysmal Gehenna of computing.
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Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary
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